


Angels & Roses

by Woofles19



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Eventual Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Ice Skating, M/M, Manchester MN, Sick Dean Winchester, Winter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-11
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-05-26 00:43:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6216739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Woofles19/pseuds/Woofles19
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It started out as just the common cold, but it got worse. And worse. Dean wanted to tell Cas about his feelings for him, but it was too late...Or was it...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work, so it may not be the best. Any recommendations would be absolutely amazing! I'm super-sorry in advance if there's any typos I didn't catch. I'll try to get another chapter out as soon as I can! :)

It started as just a cold, but eventually the flu came, too. Dean Winchester lay in his room with a stuffy nose under a pile of blankets.

“Hey Sammy!” Dean called in a raspy voice.

“Yeah Dean?” the younger brother responded from the main room of the bunker.

“How ‘bout you bring me some of your famous chicken-noodle soup?”

“Sure, Dean. I still don’t understand why you won’t let Cas cure your stomach bug...”

“Not everything needs to be fixed with angel juice, Sammy...”

“Whatever, Dean. You want crackers with your soup?”

“You betcha, Sammy.” Dean called out before heading into a fit of coughing.

After his coughing fit, Dean lay on his mattress and looked around his room. There was his shelf with his prized collection of hunter’s knives, a bookshelf with many, many novels, and lastly, Dean’s desk. On that desk were three pictures; a picture of him and Mary, a picture of him, Sam, and John, and their family picture they took before they risked their lives trying to stop Lucifer. _Man_ , Dean thought. _Those were the days..._

Five minutes later Sam came in with a bowl of hot soup and crackers. He set it down on his nightstand and crossed his arms. “Is there anything else you need, Dean? A beer? I don’t know, a flu shot from Cas?” He said with a sigh.

“No thank you, I’d like to get through this as fast as I can--”

“So then why won’t you let Cas heal you?”

“Ah ah ah, you didn’t let me finish. As I was saying before you so rudely interrupted me,” he stopped and coughed a few times, “I want to get through this as fast as I can, the normal way. That means no booze, and no angel juice. Just wait it out like a normal person.”

“Okay, Dean.” Sam said. “I’ll be out here if you need anything...” He walked out of the room and left Dean alone with his thoughts.

He started to think about Sam and Cas. They both deserved so much more in this world. They shouldn't have to help Dean beat the Darkness or get rid of the Mark, especially when they were his fault. He thought they deserved normal lives, even with Cas being an angel and all.

Then, of course Dean’s mind drifted off to Cas again, how he had always been there, with whatever Sam or Dean needed. He thought about how Cas had defied Heaven for him.... twice. How he had risked his life to get him out of Hell, and again to get Sam out of the cage.

Then it occurred to him. As Castiel once said, he did it, all of it, for him. For Dean. He just now figured out he meant it literally. Cas saved Sam for him. He helped find a way to get rid of the mark. Hell, he had almost raised hell for him. He only cared about Dean even when he was cursed with Rowena’s spell. He did it all for him.

_Thank you, Cas,_  Dean quickly and quietly prayed to himself. And with that, he fell asleep, not even bothering to eat the soup from his brother.

 

● • ●

 

Dean awoke several hours later only to find his angel in a trench-coat standing over him.

“Dammit, Cas. I thought I said next time I caught you watching me sleep I'd punch you.” He sat up and coughed.

“I'm sorry, Dean. I didn't mean to wake you.” Cas said and looked down with a sad look on his face.

“Yeah, well, you're lucky ‘cause I'm too tired to get up to sock you in the mouth...” he said as he struggled to get up. He suddenly felt jittery. “What are you here for, Cas?” _Jesus, Dean, calm down. It's just Cas_.

Instead of the sad expression, a warm, concerning look spread across Cas’s face.

“I-I came to check up on you. Now, please, lie back, I need to take your temperature...” He said in almost a whisper.

“I don’t need to be checked on,” Dean said as Cas put two fingers on Dean’s forehead. “It’s just a little cold and the flu. That’s all...”

As if the angel didn’t hear him, he said, “Your fever is up to 102.7 degrees. Why hasn’t it broken yet?” He shook his head. “Dean, I think you need to let me heal you. You’ve been sick in bed for three days, and you’ve had a cold for weeks before that. You haven't been getting any better, either.”

“Cas, you’re being overprotective. I don’t need to be healed. I’m fine. It’s just a bad bug is all. And I’m sick and tired of you and Sam getting all up in my business about being healed. I just want to wait this one out.” Dean snapped.

“Okay then." He took a long pause. "I-I have to tell you something, Dean. I--”

“You what, Cas?” Dean interrupted in a not-so-nice tone.

“Uh, n-never mind. Goodnight, Dean.” he said in a rush.

“Goodnight, Cas...” But before the angel could even hear him, he was gone.

Dean tried to sleep for the rest of the night, but ended up thinking about his conversation and why he was so nervous with Cas. Surprisingly, Dean realized, this wasn't the first conversation with him where he had butterflies in his stomach.

He thought it was sweet that Cas was so worried about him, although, Dean thought he wasn't worth worrying about. He felt so bad for the way he snapped at the angel, and he didn’t know why. Well, actually, that was a lie. He does know why he snapped.

The truth was that Dean did not want to be healed at all. He hated being healed, no matter how necessary it was. He had always wanted a normal life, and not being healed by a celestial being was as close as he could get to that “normal”. He was never going to have a life where he went to school, got a job, got married, blah blah blah. Instead he was going to die young at the hands of a monster or demon or some evil creature. He didn't want that, but he was destined for a brutal death.

He was going to have to settle for waiting out a stomach bug to get even close to "normal".

_What was Cas gonna tell me?_ That question buzzed in his head for most of the night. He was tempted to pray to Castiel to apologize and ask him what he was going to say, but he brushed it off and decided against it.

At around 3:30 am, Dean finally fell asleep. Oddly enough, dreams of Castiel floated through his head. Happy dreams, well at least they were happy compared to the nightmares he normally dreamt of. He dreamed of things like when Cas helped out with a case and his fake FBI badge was upside down. Or when he’d gone to ‘Hot Topical’ for Claire’s birthday present. Cas did so much to make good in the world, it’s like it’s his only instinct, to make things better.

 

● • ●

 

Dean woke up a little after dawn. He thought about his little argument with Cas and why he was so fed up with it.

_What the hell, Dean. Why were you thinking about Cas so much last night?_

Then it hit him. The realization hit him like a truck with rockets attached to the back running into a brick wall at full speed.

Dean was in love with Cas. Not the same as his love for Sam, but more than that. Dean Winchester, in love with an angel. _Ha, ain't that a twist._ Dean thought about it and concluded that it was bound to happen sooner or later, right? It just seemed so wrong but so perfectly right. _What if I’m wrong about this?_ No, that couldn’t be it. Dean hasn’t been so sure about anything in his life. There had been times where Dean was sure he wanted to die, or that he wanted to quit hunting, but this, this was a different kind of clarity.

But Dean wasn’t sure that Cas felt the same way. In fact, he knew he didn’t. There was no way. If anything, Dean thought he was bad for Cas. If whatever this was evolved into some kind of relationship, he’d just get him killed, or worse.

Dean thought this was all happening so quick, but then he went through it in his head again. Dean thought about Cas, from the day he met him to last night, every moment they had spent together. All of the weird conversations and awkward staring sessions. Dean realized he’d been falling in love with Cas from the start, only he was now just realizing it. _Kinda like that cheesy Fault in our Stars bull crap. I fell in love with him slowly, then all at once,_ Dean thought. _Dammit Dean, just because you're suddenly in love with an angel does not mean you have chick-flick moments._

_What a minute, does this make me gay? What about bi?_ Cas technically wasn't a guy, or a girl for that matter. What did that make him? But Jimmy was a guy, and Cas was using Jimmy as a vessel, so did that make him a guy? Dean figured it made Cas a guy, if he's judging by parts.. Dean thought he still liked girls, although this was a different sensation with Cas. _I think I'd be alright with being bi._ It wasn’t like he wasn’t okay with being bisexual. Sure, the thought crossed his mind, but only back when he was a teenager, when he was “experimenting” or whatever you would call that phase.

_So what do I do?_ Dean thought. _Do I tell him?_ He deserves to know. And that was the truth. Cas had been there for Dean more times he could count. He deserved to know. Right? Of course he did. So, Dean decided, he was going to tell him. Just come right out and say it, no strings attached. But what happens if he doesn’t love him back? Are angels even capable of any other emotion besides determination? (If that even is an emotion...) Surely Cas didn’t feel for Dean. That thought alone shattered Dean’s tough-as-nails heart into a million tiny little pieces. Dean couldn’t tell him, he couldn’t handle his response. It would make everything awkward between them. Dean wouldn’t be able to look him in the eye ever again.

All of a sudden things went from a simple cold and flu to worrying about if he should tell the love of his life that he loves him.

As if thinking about his sickness was some sort of trigger, Dean started coughing. Three minutes later he finally caught his breath.

Dean got out of bed a while later and took a long, hot shower. By the time he was done, it was almost 10 o'clock. He walked through the bunker only to run into Sam.

“Hey Dean, how ya feelin’?” The younger brother asked

“Like shit, thanks for asking...” Dean snapped.

“Whoa, Dean. Calm down.” Sam said in a concerning tone. “It was just a question, sheesh.”

“I'm sorry Sammy,” Dean apologized, “I've got a lot on my mind right now.”

“Well, if you need to talk about it, you know where to find me.”

“I might take you up on that...” Dean muttered.

“What did you say?” Sam said.

“Nothing....”

“Where are you going?” Sam asked.

By now, Dean had put on his boots and leather jacket. He was just about to grab the keys to the Impala and head out the door.

“I’m gonna go see a medical man, see if he can do anything about this stupid freaking coughing curse.” Dean said, and as if on cue, started coughing. “Maybe go for a drive, I've been cooped up in my room for too long.”

“Alright. I might not be here when you get back, I think I found a case.”

“Oh yeah? What about?” _This is pointless conversation, I could've been halfway there by now._  

“Looks like some demon, there’s been a ton of people dying on their tenth wedding anniversary. Six in the past month. I think it sounds like an old crossroad’s demon... It’s in town so I won’t be needing to stay at a motel. Whoopty-doo,” Sam said sarcastically.

“You sure you can handle this one one your own, Sammy?”

“I’ve got this, Dean. This isn’t my first rodeo...” Sam replied.

“Okay, well, see ya later...” Dean shrugged and walked out of the bunker.

He walked out of the bunker and into the cool December air, crisp, but refreshing. He got into the Impala and took a breath. Damn, it felt good to be driving in Baby again. He started her engine and pulled into the traffic.

While he was driving he couldn't help but think about Cas. He thought it was strange that once he stopped lying to himself about Cas, he felt a thousand times better, but worse at the same time. Everything with the angel just got more complicated, but only Dean knew about it.

Dean shook his head and turned on the radio to clear his head. Bon Jovi’s Bed of Roses started playing throughout the vehicle.

“I want to layyy you down on a bed of roses...,” Dean sang, loudly. “For tonight I sleep, on a bed of naaaaails...” For whatever stupid reason, Dean thought this song applied to him and Cas. _Cut it out, Dean. It’s just a song..._  

Dean pulled up to a red light just before his favorite part of the song: the guitar solo. He started playing the air guitar for every strum of the instrument. He was so in to it that he hadn't noticed the light turn green. He kept playing until the car behind him honked, urging him to go forward.

“Shit, sorry!” he said even though the person in the other car couldn't hear him.

A few songs later, Dean pulled into the clinic’s parking lot.


	2. Chapter 2

When Dean walked into the clinic waiting room, the first thing that hit him was the smell. Sterile. Dean had always hated that smell. He thought it seemed too... forced. Like it was being pumped through the vents to cover up the stench of disease. It would have made him gag, but his stomach bug had temporarily weakened his sense of smell, so it wasn’t as bad. Not to mention Dean absolutely  _ hated  _ the doctor’s office.

He walked up to the secretary's desk, where he was greeted by a fake smile and cheery voice. 

“Good morning, sir! What brings you to the clinic today?” The woman behind the desk asked.

“I’m here to see the doc, I’ve been sick for a few days.” He said nervously. He absolutely, completely, 100% did  _ not _ want to be here. He hated the whole idea of hospitals, too many people die there. Even though this was just a clinic, it still made Dean feel uneasy.

“If I could just have your name, I’ll let the doctor know you’re here!” The woman said with a cheesy smile.  _ Jeez, this lady’s givin’ me the creeps... _

“Yeah, um, Alexander Roswell...” Dean said inconspicuously. You could never be too careful about using an alias, even if it was just for the doctor’s office.

“Okay, it will be just a few minutes. You can have a seat if you like...” The secretary said.

Dean went to go sit down in the almost empty waiting room. The only other people there were a mother and her children waiting to get flu shots.  _ Boy, wouldn’t that’ve come in handy a while ago...  _

He sat in a chair in the corner of the large room and grabbed a magazine off of the coffee table in front of him. The magazine was about old race cars. Dean had been so lost in an article about the tires used in races he almost didn’t hear the nurse call out his name, or in this case, his alias.

“Alexander Roswell? Is there a Mr. Roswell here?” She called.

“Yeah, sorry.” Dean said as he slowly got up. He and the nurse exchanged the usual casual conversation as they made their way down the hallway. Finally she lead him to a small office, where Dean would presumably get a prescription or something for his inconvenience of an illness.

“If you could just have a seat here, I need to ask you a few questions.” The nurse said as she sat at the computer.

“Um, okay...” Dean said as he sat down in another chair.

“What seems to bring you in today, Mr. Roswell?” She asked.

“I’ve been coughing non-stop for weeks on end, and now I have a bad case of the stomach flu...” As he was saying this, she was typing it into the computer.

“Any allergies?”

“Nope.”

“Are you taking any medications at the moment?”

“Nothin’ besides Nyquil, but that hasn’t been helping...”

“Okay, the doctor will be in in a few minutes.” The nurse said. She got up and walked out of the room.

Dean looked around at the small examination room. There was the desk, filled with folders and pamphlets on flu shots. There was a sink with a little cup dispenser for water. There was the small, high bed with paper rolled over it. And all while observing the little room, Dean still could not stand the nauseating sterile smell of the whole building.

Over ten minutes had gone by, and there was still no doctor.  _ Probably has other patients to cure, I guess...  _ Dean took out his phone and starting playing Flappy Bird. He wasn’t very good at it; he could never get passed 10. But the game was super addictive, and it was an easy time kill. Plus, although he would never admit it, it kept his mind away from Cas. 

Dean was kind of staring off into the distance when the quick vibrations of his phone brought him back to reality. It was a text from Sam.

‘ _ Hey I think I’ve already found the demon.’  _ Said the text.

‘ _ Really? I haven't been gone for an hour!’  _ Dean typed. A few seconds later, Sam replied.

‘ _ I know. I’m gonna go gank her ass.... Have fun at the doc’s office’  _

Before Dean could reply again, the doctor finally came through the door. 

“Hello Mr. Roswell!” The doctor said in a bouncy tone. “My name is Dr. Meyer, and I guess I’ll be giving you a diagnosis today.” He said as he started looking at “Alex’s” profile on the computer.

_ Jesus, why is everyone in this goddamn place so cheery? _

“Yeah, I’ve been cursed with a cough for a few weeks and to make it worse, I caught the flu, too...” Dean said.

“Alright, let’s have a looksie-doodle.” Dean was starting to wonder if the place was even a real clinic.

Dr. Meyer did the usual tests; checked his throat and ears, checked his temperature, all of that stuff. After a few observations he finally spoke again.

“Well, Alex, you definitely have the flu. Probably caught it from someone else. I can’t prescribe any meds for that, you’ll just have to wait it out.”  _ That was kind of my plan, Dr. Happy...  _ “You should feel better by tomorrow morning, but I’d like to ask a few questions about your coughing. How long have you been coughing like this?”

Dean had to stop and think a moment. He’s been coughing for a while. “Um, a few weeks maybe? It’s hard to tell.”

“Okay,” He said as he wrote something down. “Have you been experiencing any chest pain when you cough?”

“Come to think of it, yes, I have.”  _ And it hurts like hell sometimes... _

“Have you been experiencing any shortness of breath after normal every-day tasks?” 

“Yes, but I thought that was just from the cold...” Dean said nervously. These questions were starting to make him feel a bit apprehensive.

“Yes, that could be a possibility, but these symptoms aren’t normally found with

the common cold.” He paused. “Based on your answers to these questions, I’m going to recommend you go see an oncologist.” Dr. Meyer said as he handed Dean a business card.

“Sorry, buddy, I don’t speak doctor.” Dean didn’t like this at all. This conversation doesn’t sound like it’s going to end on a happy note.

“Alex, an oncologist is a doctor who specializes in diagnosing and treating cancer.” Dr. Meyer’s mood went from happy and bouncy to sad and pitiful. “Based on the symptoms you’re exhibiting, I would want to see one. I’m sure it’s nothing, but it’s better safe than sorry.”

“Wait, you’re saying I have  _ cancer!?” _ Dean said, an octave higher than usual.

“I’m not saying anything for sure, but it wouldn’t hurt to check...”

“Yeah, okay.” Dean said in a daze. Just the simple thought of having cancer scared Dean shitless. “Thanks for your diagnosis, doc.” Dean said as he got up to shake Dr. Meyer’s hand.

“Don’t mention it. Like I said, I could be wrong, but it wouldn’t hurt to check. Good luck!” And then he walked out the door to treat some other patient.

 

  *     •     ● 



 

He doesn’t remember getting into the car. He doesn't remember driving back to the bunker. He doesn’t remember almost getting pulled over for not paying attention while driving. He barely even notices he got back into the shower until he almost gave himself a 1st-degree burn.  _ Shit, I gotta tell Sam and Cas...  _

Dean was contemplating the pros and the cons of whether or not he should go to see the oncologist. If he went, he would have to pay for gas and probably a motel room, not to mention the gigantic doctor’s bill that’ll show up some time soon... But if he didn’t go, he could unknowingly have some huge tumor in the chest that could one day kill him. Dean absolutely hated this situation. First the whole “love” thing with Cas and now the possibility of having cancer. He was so lost in his thoughts he almost slipped and fell when Sam knocked on the bathroom door.

“You okay in there, Dean?”

It was times like this that Dean wish he could communicate telepathically with his brother like weird twins in the movies. “Yeah, Sam, I’m fine.”

“Okay, well, could you hurry up? I’d like to get this demon blood out of my hair!”

“Give me five minutes with a scissors and I can fix that up real quick...” Dean said with a smirk even though his brother couldn’t see him. Dean  _ loved  _ teasing Sam about his hair.

“Fuck off, Dean.” The younger brother said, laughing.

“Bitch.”

“Jerk.”

Sam must have wandered off after that because Dean was alone again, and didn’t get out of the shower until he had run out of hot water.

By the time he had gotten dressed, it was close to 3:30. Dean hadn’t eaten anything all day. He was starving, which he was guessing was a good thing. 24 hours ago, he couldn’t keep anything down besides soup. And frankly, Dean was tired of soup. He wanted a big, greasy burger with a pile of fries. Although that probably wouldn’t be the best thing to put in his stomach right now, Dean was willing to risk it. 

Dean tried to think of how he was gonna tell Sam and Cas about this whole oncologist thing. Out of all the monsters and demons they’ve faced, this situation would probably be the weirdest. The whole oncologist thing was probably nothing, but it’s in a whole new territory for the Winchesters. They’ve dealt with a lot of things: monsters, the Apocalypse, Lucifer, and even God and his sister, but a possible terminal illness hasn’t been been one of them. Dean was guessing Sam wouldn’t take it lightly. Cas, on the other hand, was a whole different story. They’ve never really had to deal with bringing bad news to Cas. Well, at least not of this sort... He had no idea what to expect from the angel.

_ Welp, let’s get this over with... _ Dean thought. It was time to tell Sam and Cas.

 

  *     •     ● 



 

Sam, Dean, and Cas pulled into the diner parking lot. Before they even got out of the car, Sam was interrogating Dean.

“Are you sure you’re alright to go out, Dean? Your coughing sounds terrible.”

“Yes, Sam. I’m fine. I just--”  _ Cough cough. _ “I just need to tell you guys something.”

“Did that require us to drive to a diner?” Cas asked, tilting his head to the side, a bit like a puppy.

“I wanted a burger.” Dean mumbled, awkwardly avoiding Cas’s eye. This got a questionable look from Sam.

“Woah, you two get into a fight or something?” Sam asked, looking between his brother and the angel.

“Er... It’s nothing, Sam. Let’s go in and eat.” Dean said in a huff before he started coughing again. When he finally caught his breath, he got out of the car. 

When the trio walked inside, they were actually taken back on how cheesy the tiny restaurant looked. Not only did it have the classic black and white floor tiles, but it also had the red shiney bar stools, chrome counters, and the bottles of ketchup and mustard that if you squeeze them hard enough, the condiments will shoot up onto the ceiling. To top it off, there was even a jukebox in the back corner. 

“Seat yourself!” The tiny waitress said from behind the counter. Dean choose a booth where there were no other ears to hear the upcoming conversation. Plus, it was close to the jukebox. 

Casual, irrelevant conversation was tossed back and forth until Dean couldn’t ignore the elephant in the room for another minute.

“I’m going to see an oncologist tomorrow.” He blurted. The table was silent for a few seconds.

“What? Why? You don’t have cancer.” Sam finally asked. 

“Well, when I went to see the doctor today, he said I should go and see one because of my coughing. It’s probably nothing.” Dean took a moment to chance a glance at Cas. The angel was just staring at the table in front of him. His expression: unreadable.

“No, Dean! This isn’t nothing! You could have cancer!” Sam exclaimed.

“Woah woah woah, Sam, calm down. The doc said it was probably nothing. Besides, even if I did have the Big C, Cas could just heal me with his angel juice. Right Cas?”

“I- I don’t know if i possess the ability to do that, Dean. It takes a lot of power to cure incurable diseases...”

Shit. There goes any faith Dean had left in this whole cancer thing. Cas was his last hope, and now, he was royally screwed. 

“But it’s okay, Dean. If the doctor said it’s probably nothing, then it’s probably nothing. You’ll be fine.” Sam said with reassurance.  _ Jeez, switch your opinion around enough times, Sam? You’re making me dizzy.  _ Dean wasn’t too sure if what Sam had said was to make him or Sam feel better. He was guessing the latter.

“This place got any beer?” Dean asked to no one in particular.

Ignoring Dean’s question, Cas spoke again. “Do you want us to come with you tomorrow, Dean?” He hadn’t thought about that. Now that the idea was on the table, he figured he could use the moral support.

“Actually, yeah, Cas. I think I’d like that.” Dean said while smiling.  _ I love you so freaking much...  _ Dean thought.  _ Wait, did I really just friggin’ think that? I realized this all of 16 hours ago! Things are moving faster in my head than they ever would in the real world! _

“Well, we’re here for you, Dean. No matter what happens.” Sam said.

From that point on, the three sat and talked about anything they could, avoiding the touchy subject that was just introduced. No one wanted to talk about the obvious, so instead they acted as if nothing were wrong, staying in their own content bubble. After Dean finished his third piece of apple pie, they set off to go back to the bunker. 

When they got to what they called home, they all fell asleep almost instantly; it had been a very long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to be as accurate as possible when it comes to any doctor stuff. My only source is the internet, so forgive me if anything is wrong...


	3. Chapter 3

Darkness. That’s the first thing Dean saw when he awoke. An inky black fog, surrounding him, almost suffocating him. It was cold, too. So cold he was shivering. Then, he saw a light. He walked toward it, craving to see something besides darkness.

The light lead to a tunnel of sorts. It was still too dark to see clearly, but Dean was beginning to make out shadows in the eerie tunnel. As he got closer to light, he began to hear things, too. Voices. Screaming. Horrible, terrifying, tortuous screaming. And he knew who those wails of torment were coming from. It would be impossible for him not to know. They were coming from Sam Winchester.

“Sam!” Dean called. He was running now, not caring about any obstacles that may be in the tunnel. “Sam! Sam I’m coming!”

Finally, the tunnel ended, and lead into a dimly lit cavern. The only source of light was a  torch hanging on the stone wall. Dean couldn’t see well, but well enough to see all the cuts, burns, and bruises across Sam’s chest. His hinds were tied above his head, shackled to the wall. His only source of dignity was a pair of pants, now filled with tears, holes, and stained with blood. Now Dean knew where they were. They were in Hell.

Instinctively, Dean turned and reached behind the waistband of his jeans for his knife, but found that his knife was gone. 

“What, did you come to finish me off?” Sam spat, sending droplets of blood onto Dean’s shoes.

“What are you talking about, Sammy?” Dean replied. “We gotta get you outta’ here.”

“Just let me die!” Sam whispered, although Dean just barely heard it.

Next, Dean walked over to the cart of torture devices that he could only guess of their use. He grabbed a tool that looked like it might be used to change a flat tire. He walked over to Sam, took his thumbs and placed them between two metal parts of the tool. He began turning the screw in the middle, slowly bringing the two pieces together, with Sam’s thumbs in between.

Dean didn’t want to do this, and he didn’t know why he was. He tried to stop, but it was as if he had no control over his own body. Almost as if he were possessed. He couldn’t even turn his head from the gruesome sight of his brother.

Sam’s cries of agony brought tears to Dean’s eyes. He wanted so desperately to get his little brother out of this hell pit and get back home so he could fix him up. But of course, he had no control over himself.

When “Dean” decided he was done crushing Sam’s thumbs, he turned to grab a long, rusty, jagged knife. He walked back over to Sam and gave him a wicked, evil grin that was not his own. Then he dragged the knife in a thin line across Sam’s shoulder, sending even more blood down his back, and more of Sam’s cries of agony through the cavern.

“Get me out of here!” Dean screamed. He screamed and screamed. He screamed until his throat was raw. All he wanted was for this nightmare to end.

Suddenly, almost as suddenly as it had started, his nightmare ended, and he drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

  
  


  *     •     ● 



 

Sam was woken up in the middle of the night by the sounds of his brother’s screams. He must have been having another nightmare. Nightmares were normal for Sam. They’d been waking him up since Dean got out of Hell. Most nights he could sleep through them, but on particularly bad nights, like tonight, he would go and wake Dean up. Not just for the sake of Sam’s sleep, but for Dean’s, too.

Sam sighed and got out of bed. The floor was cold beneath his bare feet. He opened his bedroom door, and stepped into the dark hallway of the bunker. Dean’s room was to the left, but he turned right for the kitchen to get him a glass of water. It was a system, Sam and Dean had. Whenever Dean had a nightmare bad enough to wake Sam, he’d get Dean a glass of water and wake him up. 

Sam filled the glass, and went to Dean’s room. Just as he was about to turn the knob, he heard someone whispering. He couldn’t tell who it was, or what they were saying, but they were trying to stay as quiet as possible. He guessed it was Dean mumbling in his sleep. Sam opened the bedroom door expecting to find Dean thrashing in his sheets, but found something, no, someone else there with him.

Cas was leaning over Dean, whispering something in his ear. As he was whispering, it seemed as if Dean was calming down, drifting away from his nightmare. Whatever Cas was doing, it was working. Sam just leaned against the door’s frame, watching Castiel lure Dean into a peaceful sleep. 

“Hi, Cas.” Sam whispered. The angel didn’t even look back at Sam, but instead held up his index finger, asking for just one more minute.

“It was a spell, in enochian. To help him sleep.” Cas said a minute later, closing the door behind him.

“How long have you been doing this?” Sam asked. “Is there a spell for snoring?”

“Since we got out of Purgatory.” Cas answered, ignoring Sam’s second question. “I only know when he’s having a nightmare because he’s calling for someone to help him. Usually, he’s calling for me to get him out of Hell.”

“You must really love him...” Sam replied with a smile, not surprised that Dean called for Cas even in his sleep. “Wish he’d pull his head out of his ass and just admit he loves you too.”

“I guess I really do love him.” Cas said with a grin on his face. “I just wish I could tell him. I tried the other night, when I came to check up on him, but it didn’t seem like he wanted to see me.”

“Goodnight, Cas.” Sam said with a sigh. This wasn’t the first time he had heard Cas say this.

“Goodnight, Sam.”

 

  *     •     ● 



 

When Dean woke up, he felt strangely well rested. He didn’t have any nightmares, which was weird, given his current situation. He was expecting some wild dream where he was sitting in bed, sick with an IV drip in his arm. Instead, he slept like a baby, and was anxious to get on the road. He wanted to get this trip over with as soon as possible.

The oncologist, Dr. Matthews, is all the way in Rochester, Minnesota at the Mayo Clinic. Dean scheduled an appointment for 1:30 pm, and right now it was about 4:40 am. The drive will take roughly seven-and-a-half hours. If he left right now, he’d be able to stop for lunch along the way and still have time to spare. He supposed it would take 20 minutes to get the Impala ready and eat a quick breakfast.

They had only been on the road for ten minutes, and Sam had already conked out in the backseat, leaving only Dean and Cas and the road ahead of them. 

They didn’t talk much, only discussing the drive every once and awhile. Soon they even gave up on that, leaving an awkward silence between the two.  _ Tell him you love him. Tell him you love him,  _ Dean kept thinking. 

Finally Dean couldn’t stand the quiet anymore, and he obviously couldn’t tell him what he wanted to say, so he apologized instead. 

“Hey, Cas, I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting lately...” Dean began awkwardly. “Having the flu really turned me into a Debby Downer, but now the possibility of cancer? It’s like nothing in my god-damned life can ever go the way I want it to.” He sighed.

“Dean, look at me.” Cas demanded. Dawn was just starting to creep in, casting an icy shadow across the angel’s face. “You’re going to get through this, just like you always do. It’s going to be okay.”  
“No, Cas, it’s not going to be okay. In case you haven't noticed, there is no cure for cancer!” Dean said, taking his eyes off the road to glance at the angel. “I’m gonna die, Cas, and there’s no chance I’m coming back this time. Zilch. Zero.”  
“You don’t even know if you’re sick, Dean. That’s the whole reason we’re going to Rochester.”  
“I don’t know.” Dean paused. “I’m scared, Cas.” Dean whispered.

“Whatever happens, Sam and I will be by your side, no matter what.” Cas said, smiling.

“Morning, Dean. Morning, Cas.” Sam said suddenly, still a hint of sleep in his voice.

“Well hello, Sleeping Beauty...” Dean teased, graciously accepting the change in atmosphere.

“How is Sam a fairy tale character from the late 1600s?” Cas asked.

“It’s because he was sleepi- you know what, nevermind.” Dean said, with Sam laughing behind him. 

The boys participated in brief conversation, but gave up instead to look at the sparkly white scene outside the window.The highway was icy, causing Dean to swerve here and there. He didn’t dare go more than what the speed limit allowed. Although, if they did slip and crash, Dean wouldn’t have to worry about the future.

“What about the bills?” Dean blurted after a minute.

“What do you mean? Who said anything about bills?” Sam replied.

“You know, the bills for when- if- I need treatment. Stuff’s not free you know. Billions of dollars made every year.”

“He has a point,” Cas chimed in. “Credit-card fraud and hustling pool won’t exactly cover medical bills.” He said, looking at Dean.

“I’ll get a job.” Sam said.

“Sam, I’m not gonna let you do that.” Dean said. “You--”

“No Dean, You have to let me do this.” Sam interrupted. “If you are sick, I’m not gonna let you sit and rot back at the bunker. Even if it means taking eight hours out of my day, I’m going to make sure you get better. Make sure you never stop kickin’ monster-ass.” Sam smiled.

“I could also earn some money. I don’t think it will be very hard to find employment back in Lawrence...” Cas said.

“You guys are terrible,” Dean said, laughing. “Just absolutely terrible.”

“Yeah, well, you’ll just have to deal with the Great and Terrible Sam Winchester and Angel Castiel.” Said Sam. 

“You know what we should do after I’m prodded with needles?” Dean asked, changing the subject. “We should go ice skating.”

“Ice skating?” Cas and Sam asked at the same time.

“Yeah! It’s not like you never learned how, Sam. In the winter when dad was on hunts, I’d take you to a near-by pond or somethin’ and you’d slide in my old skates.” Dean smiled at the memory. “I just slid around in my shoes. We’d play ice hockey with a couple of sticks and a pinecone.”

“Oh yeah, I remember that. You sucked at ice hockey.”

“Pffff... I let you win...” Dean said, looking at Sam in the rear-view mirror. The embarrassment in his voice was only slightly audible. 

“Yeah, sure, you totally let me win.” Sam replied sarcastically. “What about Cas?”

“I have no previous experience in any sort of entertainment on ice.” Cas replied.

“We’ll just give him a chair to lean on.” Dean said. “But you’re a fast learner, aren't chya’ Cas?”

“I suppose it wouldn’t be that hard to teach myself.”

“Great. We’re going ice skating.” Dean smiled, satisfied.

 

  *     •     ● 



 

They pulled into the outskirts of Rochester just around noon. It was a cloudy day, looked like it might start to snow later. It wasn’t too cold or too warm outside; a perfect day for ice skating. 

They had decided to just go to the motel and pick up food along the way. Sam had picked a Motel 6, which was pretty close to a small lake to skate on. They got the usual room, two queens, free wifi (for Sam), a mini fridge, and on the 1st floor in case they had to leave in a moment’s notice. It wasn’t too terribly expensive, roughly $60 a night. They’ve payed more for crappier motels. 

“Do you want us to come with you to the clinic?” Asked Cas. 

“Yeah, we can sit right next to you and hold your hand when you’re stabbed with a bajillion needles.” Sam teased.

“Oh you mean like that time we snuck out to see the mall Santa when you were eight? No thanks. ” Dean retorted.

Sam rolled his eyes in response.

“Besides,” Dean continued. “They’re probably just gonna give me a couple’a scans. Ask a few questions. I doubt they’ll even draw blood.” 

“We’d be there for moral support, Dean.” Cas said.

“I’ll be fine.” Dean said, although he hardly believed the words coming out of his own mouth. “You two go do something. Drinks, museums, hookers, I don’t care.” The last suggestion was a lie, Dean didn’t like the idea of Sam with a hooker. And well, Cas on the other hand, was an entire different story in a completely different genre.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi people! I'm sorry this chapter took forever to come out, I thought I would have more time to work on it this summer. HAHA WHAT LIES. I actually had to work a bunch and took some classes. I have no idea when the next chapter will be out. School is starting soon and I have sports and homework and church and all that stuff. Just hang with me on this. 
> 
> <3


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